So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
