I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
