Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
