Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
