I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Actions speak louder than pants.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
