That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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