3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
