im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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