I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
