I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
