so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
