I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
