Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
