I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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