i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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