im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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