I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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