Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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