i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
