I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
