Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
