You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
