i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
