i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
