I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I die, sorry about rent.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
