So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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