Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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