I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
