Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
