I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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