Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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