There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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