I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
