maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
