if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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