Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
