I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
