I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
