Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
