you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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