thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
