we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
send nudes
from the living room?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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