I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
