i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
