Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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