can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
