He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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