the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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