Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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