just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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