dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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