Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
