My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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