I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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