It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
