my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
