the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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