I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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