And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
