omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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