stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
