I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
