He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
