My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
