conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
