Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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