You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
