No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
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