Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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