I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
