i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
