just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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