all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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