Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
