so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
