just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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