I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
