you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
